Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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