Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
