So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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