i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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