weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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