i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize