I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
