I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
