I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize