From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
