Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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