I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
