So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
