I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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