We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize