I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
