first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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