omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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