i just sent this text using only my big toe
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
