God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize