she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
