im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize