i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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