apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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