i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
