hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
