So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
