dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
