This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
