At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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