I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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