somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
