i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
