you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
