I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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