My balls are so social today.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
