Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
