didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize