i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
