I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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