I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize