so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
