When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
