Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
