you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This is the high leading the old right now
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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