The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize