The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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