we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
