I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
