im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
