I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When are your genitals available?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize