I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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