someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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