I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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