I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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