So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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