forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
