Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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