so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
