Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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