You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
