yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize