we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
