Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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