everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
