I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
