God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
