She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
