This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
