After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
