at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
