now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
