i'm lost and i look like a hooker
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
