I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
