Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
