Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize