No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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