How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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