You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
