i think i have two assholes
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
try to milk me bitch
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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