So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
