Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
