Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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