i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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