if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
