I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
