i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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