we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
