How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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