Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
