I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
