he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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