Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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