last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
