My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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