as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
