I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
