That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
